Hi, I'm @arazgholami, Programmer, Blogger and Explorer.I create things and make them better. I'm a repairer, not replacer.I love to transform complex things to simple things.

The Unseen Burden of Being a Man
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A man is generally recognized by the roles he holds: being a son of a mother, a father of a child, responsible for a family, and of course, the love of a woman. Rarely does anyone focus on manhood itself and write about it.

Being a man starts after being a boy, following the stage of infancy. This is where the difference from girls begins. You no longer wear colorful clothes, don’t play with dolls, and your toys are mostly things like toy weapons. From this stage, no one makes silly faces to make you laugh and others laugh along. From here, the less childish you are, the more valued you become. The more formal your clothes, the less you laugh, fidget, or climb walls, the more you’re considered a good boy. During summers or school breaks, you’re encouraged to work somewhere, sell something, or otherwise learn to earn.

As you move up, you become a teenager, an age where you must act older than your years. The stricter and tougher, the better. You aren’t allowed to do anything except behave like an adult, and if you don’t, you’re labeled soft, effeminate, or similar terms meant to prevent dependency, sentimentality, and so on. Although your opportunities to earn are limited at this age, it’s expected that you always have money in your pocket and aren’t financially dependent on anyone. Girls don’t want you at this stage: younger girls are considered children, and those your age seek people older and more powerful than you. This pattern repeats, more or less, in later stages too.

Next, you’re a young man. Here, you’re a son to a mother who expects you to take part in the responsibilities of family life, understand her worries, and provide her peace of mind. You’re a friend to a woman who expects you to understand her emotions and give her reassurance, leaving nothing lacking. You’re a child to a father who expects your family to be your first priority and to help as much as possible.

Later stages are similar. Your value is always tied to the roles you hold, not for who you are. Workforce, military, and other similar roles. No one ever values you for your thoughts or concerns.

Alongside all this, one of the most troubling issues is that you can never talk about your worries and sadness. By nature, you’re the one who listens, not the one who speaks. You are the rock for others. You must be the strongest. The most hopeful. Someone who gives everyone else strength and hope, even if you don’t have any yourself.

Tuesday 02:59 AM, 24 April 2018
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