Araz Gholami

Ever met people who are effortlessly laid-back, charming, and seem to be the life of every gathering? If you’re not one of them, you’ve probably wondered: what do they have that I don’t? Can I develop some of their traits? The good news is, yes. The bad news is, it’s not easy.

These people possess a mix of personality traits and habits that create their socially magnetic image. Some of these traits are genetic, others are learned, either through family influence or by life experiences. Qualities like freedom from worry, self-esteem, confidence, courage, friendliness, and optimism are the hallmarks of cool people. With some practice, you can develop many of these.

Cool People Have High Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is essentially the ability to manage emotions. Cool people know when to be happy and when to be sad. They know when to wait and when to act, when to adapt themselves and when to change their surroundings. They understand how to communicate depending on the situation. Sound hard? Yes, but here’s the good news: self-awareness and practice can significantly improve these skills. Look into topics like “emotional management” and “ways to boost EQ” to start improving.
— 6 Steps to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
— Understanding Your Emotions by Mark Manson

Cool People Are Alphas

In the animal kingdom, being an alpha is all about strength and dominance. In the human world, that connection is weaker. How many times have you seen a beautiful woman with a guy who looks like an orangutan and wondered how that happened? Not being a “nice guy” is something to explore.—No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover And then there’s the “sigma” thing, which refers to alphas who don’t care to dominate. It’s mostly a made-up concept from lonely minds—don’t take it too seriously.

Cool People Care About Their Appearance

Not every cool person is a fashion icon, but no cool person looks disheveled. Likewise, no one who’s cool always smells like perfume, but absolutely no one who’s cool ever smells bad. Take care of how you look and invest some time in it. Be aware of what era you live in and dress accordingly. Your blue plaid shirt may have been hot in the ’70s, but not now.

Note: Be careful not to show off—nothing is less cool than that. Just be a well-dressed, clean version of yourself.

On a side note, I once canceled a multi-thousand-dollar project just because I couldn’t get past the smell of the client. Yes, scent matters that much.

Cool People Make Enough Money

Worrying about rent or loan payments doesn’t exactly scream “cool.” While not all cool people are rich, you can be sure that no one constantly stressed about money is cool.

Cool People Manage Their Emotions

Similar to having a high EQ, cool people possess various social skills. These don’t usually come naturally. While you waste time scrolling through social media, cool people are reading, thinking, and learning how to better communicate with others. They know their emotions and how to control them.

Cool People Speak Fluently

Speaking smoothly and without pauses (something called “Akici Konusma” in Turkey) is a key skill to being cool and making an impact. No matter how important your message is, if you stutter or your sentences lack flow, you’ll probably fail to influence. Learn to speak smoothly. And of course, have something worthwhile to say.

Cool People Are Kind to Everyone

Being rude and arrogant isn’t fun for you or anyone else. Treat everyone with kindness and respect. Note: Being kind doesn’t mean giving in to everyone’s demands. Start by being kind to yourself and extend it to others.

Cool People Don’t Seek Approval from Others

Confidence and self-esteem are the cornerstones of coolness. Know what you’re doing, do it well, and don’t look to others for validation.

Cool People Are Brave

Courage is about doing what others are too scared to do, challenging outdated traditions and beliefs. To gain this courage, you need a mix of knowledge and fearlessness.

The Penultimate Note

Being cool has a fine line between being confident and being obnoxious. Be careful not to cross it.

The Final Note

You’re going to die eventually. Relax, be yourself, smile, and enjoy the moment. That’s what cool people know, and you don’t.